If you're in the self-help business, the best place to start helping people is to acknowledge the fundamental differences between men and women. The breathtaking success of John Gray's Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which has sold more than 15 million copies, offers a hint that people instinctively know the truth: males and females are different.
Gender identity is, always has been, and always will be the most integral, unalterable aspect of our being. Sadly, saying so has become unfashionable in recent years. The politically correct contingent has tried valiantly to convince us that male and female are made, not born--the product of brainwashed parents and other members of an antiquated, male-dominated, Judeo-Christian society.
In fact, males and females differ long before society has the opportunity to make an impression upon us. Neurobiological research on babies in utero fully supports our everyday observations; with the advent of ultrasound, MRI, and PET scans, we can study the brains of pre-born children. In an ultrasound exam at no later than 26 weeks of gestation, an observer can distinguish between male and female brains. Among other differences, the male brain is more asymmetrical between hemispheres; the language area of the brain is larger in females.
Obvious differences in brain structure explain the differences in the way members of the two sexes think. In all brains, the two hemispheres are connected by bundles of nerve fibers. As baby boys develop in utero, testosterone and other male hormones are produced; they bind to brain tissue, doing significant damage to the connective nerve fibers. By the middle of gestation, the concentration of testosterone in the boy's brain is comparable to that of a young man.
These hormones make boys and men competitive and driven to risky behavior and dominance, while the female brain secretes the powerful bonding hormone oxytocin and the calming chemical serotonin, leading girls and women to more nurturing roles.
Because the female brain's connective nerve fibers remain intact, females use both hemispheres for language and problem solving, while males use only one. This explains why men seem to have trouble putting their feelings into words: they can't, because the left brain controls speech, and the right, emotions; and in men, these two parts are not connected.
Also, feelings (in both sexes) occur in a more primitive part of the brain than does speech. This changes with age; the brain's "feeling" activity moves to a higher part of brain during adolescence--but only for girls. Grown men can no more put their feelings into words than can young children of either sex.
As another illustration, let's take monkeys--the animal with arguably the most human-like behavior, but without the complex social structure. It turns out that monkey toy preferences are consistent along gender lines with those of human children. In a study of vervet monkeys by Gerianne Alexander and Melissa Hines, boy monkeys chose the car and the ball, while girl monkeys preferred the doll and the pot. Both genders of monkey children seemed equally comfortable with a picture book and a stuffed dog.
What makes a particular toy a "boy toy" or a "girl toy"? Boy toys are ones with the ability to be used actively and propelled through space; girl toys are ones that invite contact. Boys' and girls' toy preferences are biologically pre-wired, which causes gender stereotyping of toys--not the other way around.
Regardless of one's ideology, the truth should be intuitive. Creationist? Believe that the Creator made us this way. (For a reason, of course.) Evolutionist? Since humans are merely "highly evolved animals," just observe the differences between male and female behavior of the animal of your choice. (Example: why do people castrate horses? Answer: geldings are more docile than stallions.)
We can pretend that traditional gender roles are imposed by society. Okay, little boys turn any household object into a gun and run around the house "shooting" things while making gun noises because we taught them to. Okay, little girls turn any household object into a diaper to put on their pet, doll, or stuffed animal, then cuddle it and talk to it in a high voice, because we taught them to.
But why would we want to pretend? The truth is much more inviting. And if the goal of the self-help industry is to help people, the truth is also much more useful.
If you're in the self-help business, start at the beginning: respect men and women for who they are. Choose a marketing expert who understands this fundamental truth about humans. Then go out, reach the world with your message, and help people.
Lisa J. Lehr is a freelance copywriter specializing in direct response and marketing collateral, with a special interest in the health, pets, specialty foods, and inspirational/motivational/self-help niches. She has a degree in biology, has worked in a variety of fields including pharmaceuticals and teaching, and has volunteered for many causes including special-needs kids and literacy. When she's not writing, she enjoys reading, art, music, outdoor exercise, and all things Celtic and Renaissance.
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